First Time Mum

Being a first time mom

Becoming a mom is probably the scariest thing I've ever done! I felt scared, nervous and excited, probably in that order! It was important to me to breastfeed her, and I was determined to succeed. I'd never known anyone who had breast fed their baby, and in reality, the videos I'd watched during my ante-natal classes did not even begin to touch the surface on helping. After a few days at home, feeding became painful so I started using shields. Moo was also struggling to gain weight and my midwife was pressuring me to give formula top ups. And I buckled. My confidence was rock bottom, I had zero support and a hell of a lot of concern that my daughter wasn't gaining weight. It seemed those jibes that my milk wasn't enough were ringing true. After all, she was feeding constantly...

Me and Moo

My beautiful girl

When Moo was 10 days old, I hemorrhaged at home in bed following my section. I was taken to a&e and given some strong antibiotics to treat a uterus infection. 5 days later, it happened again and I was rushed by ambulance to a&e. I was admitted and given intravenous antibiotics. They gave me some serious side effects, which I passed onto Moo through my milk. Fortunately, the drugs worked this time and I continued to feed her for a little while.

After a particularly bad day, when Moo was 4 weeks old, I had decided I really needed a bath, just to relax and have some breathing space. It can be really claustrophobic to go from being by yourself to suddenly sharing every minute of every day with a totally dependant little being. As I sat in the bath I began to cry and just couldn't stop. It was a bad day. "Never stop feeding on a bad day," i'd been told. But that was it, I was done. I wasn't prepared for how much Moo would feed, or how dependant on me she'd be. I was convinced that what I was providing wasn't enough. 

When Moo was exactly 4 weeks old, I switched to formula. I regret this decision every day. I fell into every booby trap going. Since becoming a mother, I've met way too many mums who feel this way with regards to the birth not going how they wanted, and not meeting their breastfeeding goals.  It's not the best way to enter into motherhood, with your confidence at rock bottom. I really want to make a difference to new moms. I'm going to work to change that.